Clumsy 101: How to Be a Classic Nerd

As many people know, being a nerd comes with many challenges. This can include everything from dealing with obsessive bullies to trying to figure out how to make friends. Although this might stop some people from being part of the geeky squad, others choose to just take the good with the bad. These tips can help you be a classic nerd and stop fitting into the cool crowd.

Be Uniquely You

As a classic nerd, changing who you are simply isn’t possible. Indeed, you need to be genuine from the inside out which leaves no room for becoming someone you’re not. Therefore, you might as well accept the fact that you’ll always be you and commit to live this way. It’s important to remember you’re truly a unique individual, and it’s very rare you’d ever come across anyone remotely similar to you. You can be yourself by expressing your personal feelings and thoughts whenever you feel like doing so. This means it can be perfectly acceptable for you to speak your mind during class, work meetings, doctor’s appointments, family gatherings and whenever else the need may arise.

Dress the Goofy Part

Since you’ll need to look as goofy as possible to show everyone who you really are, try to stand out. You should love dressing in conservative yet bold attire because this will only make you yourself all the more. One outfit females can wear is a longish plaid skirt, button-down top, glasses and flats. If you’d really like to be like the classic version, be modest by not showing too much skin at all. On the other hand, males can layer a blue denim button-down shirt underneath a brown crewneck jumper. Next, pull on a pair of glasses with dark frames and loafers and you’re ready to head to the library or comic book convention.

Stand Up for Your Beliefs (No Matter What)

Let’s face it, no matter what, you’ll get treated in a less than satisfactory manner by all. So you might as well stand up for what you believe in. Although this probably won’t make you any friends, you’ll feel like a better person for doing the right thing. For one thing, nerds are notorious for being awkward at best in gym class. Instead of going with the flow and sticking with the crowd, tell the teacher you need to finish an assignment. Since you don’t want to be a liar or else you wouldn’t be a real nerd, tell the truth. This is only possible if you always have an assignment waiting for you. You can make this happen by waiting to do your homework until after gym class is over. Additionally, standing up for your beliefs when you’ve had enough and refuse to take it anymore can benefit everyone in the best way.

Only Make Friends with Other Nerds

Some types of nerds, such as the undercover nerd, might be able to find friends who aren’t of the geeky variety. As a classic nerd, you’ll want to stick to the most upright group of friends as possible. This establishes your honesty and integrity so no one can hold anything against you. For one, bullies tend to pick fights with people like you, so it’s crucial not to give them any unnecessary advantages. You can find friends by joining the debate team, inviting people who appear intelligent to play chess, attending bingo night at church each week or entering video game tournaments, among other things. Another idea is to find a fitting job such as comic book illustrator, video game animator, ethical hacker, science teacher, television/movie news writer or something else you’re talented at. After you’ve done this, get to know coworkers to see if you have enough in common to be friends.

Be the Tattletale Everyone Despises

If you’ve always wanted to tell on the brats around you for what they do wrong, now that you’re learning to be a nerd could be the perfect time. For instance, if the classroom bully sticks a piece of gum under his desk when the teacher has his/her back turned, don’t look the other way. Simply raise your hand straight up into the air and wait for the teacher to turn around. Right when she does, tell her what the bully just did. She’ll always be grateful for your input about anything and everything after that. Consequently, remember to watch your back because nobody else likes a tattletale. You can also be a tattletale at work, on the bus, while carpooling and at family holiday gatherings.

Get Rid of Tattoos & Bad Attitudes

To be sure, tattoos may look fashionable on those who’d like to express themselves artistically through body art, but they come at a price. For example, it can be a challenge to be treated like the classic nerd you aspire to be. It is true that you might be able to pull off having a tattoo as a trendy nerd because you’ll have to use makeup to hide it otherwise. Consequently, you might even be forced to spend hundreds of dollars to remove it. Another issue might be having a bad attitude. In fact, this can cause people to dislike you for more than one reason. To improve yourself, you might want to attend an etiquette class.

Let People Laugh (But Not Too Much!)

Some people will laugh at anything and everything, but this can be especially true when they meet a nerd. Despite their foolish dispositions, it’s wise to remember they’re only human. This means it can be acceptable to allow them to laugh at you for being yourself. Just remember, jokes can lead to ridicule, and this is what makes a bully into a bully. If you encounter someone who becomes increasingly out of control with their cruelty, get away because they’re likely to get even worse as time passes. Moreover, you might even need to join a support group for those who’ve been abused by bullies.

While plenty of people seem to want to be popular, others would rather be as unique as possible. Of course, being liked by everyone around you can have privileges, but nerds often win in the end. After all, the most successful people, such as bosses and scientists, are usually nerds.

Never Ride the Double-Decker Bus

(from Writer’s Digest Wednesday Poetry Prompts: 572-Write a double poem…)

Riding in a humongous double-decker bus

Really made me want to put up a fuss

My mom forced me onto this crazy old contraption

And now I’m having some kind of nervous reaction

This is the biggest automobile on the street

Truth be told, I feel like a big freak

Is everyone out there staring at me?!

I hope this super embarassing ride ends soon

Because this hideous bus makes me feel like a buffoon

Now the scrawny Indian driver just turned up the music

In fact, it sounds like it came straight from Egypt

Once this old clunker stops to let me off

I’ll do everything in my power to avoid getting back on!

Three Tuneful Mice Perform in Guthrie

A trio of silvery-hued mice

Sang a happy little ditty

While grandma sat in her favorite seat

By the way, the temperature was 120 degrees

In the middle of the small town of Guthrie

Although she didn’t even notice the three

After all, they were standing so daintily

Underneath the cream-colored eaves

Beside grandma’s steaming chamomile tea

On top of a side table decorated with a vase of daisies

Now each one slowly began to sing:

“La da da da deeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

Still, not one soul heard their melodic pleas

Of course, except a few stray bumblebees

Who’d just wandered in from a nearby oak tree

Just then, grandma started to sneeze:

“AHHH CHOOOOO!!!!!”

The trio of mice scattered and so did the tea

Well harrumph and fiddle-de-dee!

They’re Alive!: I Ate All of the Vanilla Cupcakes and Now They’re Attacking Me

(from Writer’s Digest Writing Prompt: Use the name of a candle fragrance to inspire your next story-Vanilla Cupcake, etc…)

“Josiah ate all of the vanilla cupcakes again, Mom!” Beverly had had enough of her older brother’s selfishness and was dead set on resolving the matter. As she crossed her small arms tightly against her chest, her entire body from head to toe expressed her intense displeasure. Her mother felt similar feelings of disgust towards Josiah,”I told you to leave a couple of cupcakes for your sister. Now head to your room and think long and hard about why sharing is important. And don’t come out of there until you’re good and ready to apologize.” “Aw geez, Mom,” he exclaimed in the deep frustration only a teenager could emphasize,”I was really hungry!” With his head hanging down, he stomped his feet all the way to his room upstairs. He simply couldn’t understand why his family took matters like this so seriously. Since he saw absolutely nothing wrong with devouring too many cupcakes, he resolved to forget about this problem that, in his mind, wasn’t a problem at all. So he decided to lay in bed, put on some headphones and listen to his favorite music for a while.

After a time, he started to drift off…

At first, everything in front of him was a blur. Then, slowly, his eyes began to adjust to his surroundings. In fact, something massive was looming over him, and this made him feel extremely uncomfortable. It appeared to be a lumpy mound of mashed potatoes or vanilla bean ice cream with big, round, glaring eyes and sharp, gnashing teeth. As his eyes adjusted further, he noticed an entire army of these strange creatures. And they were all staring straight at him with comical yet malicious expressions on their huge, mushy faces. “Do you want to eat us now?” the first one boomed in an angry voice. The rest of them began to close in on Josiah in the most menacing manner as something finally dawned on him. He was conversating with a group of monstrous-sized cupcakes, and they wanted revenge for all of those times he greedily gobbled them up. He steadily began to back up, inch by inch, but he immediately hit the wall. The first cupcake, who seemed to be the leader and spokesperson, told him loudly and maliciously,”Now we’re going to munch on you!”

“Noooooooo!” Josiah yelled at the top of his lungs. As he woke up, he tried desperately to escape his delicious but violent attackers only to realize he’d been dreaming. Taking notice of the bright morning sun streaming peacefully through his window, he lay awake in contemplation. Now that was no ordinary dream, and I’ll never eat more than my share of cupcakes again, he thought to himself.

Moral of the Story: Eating someone else’s cupcakes might be exciting, but the price paid for selfishness won’t be worth it in the end.

Attack on Rainbow Planet

(from Writer’s Digest: Lucky Charms-Write a scene or story that includes a rainbow, etc.)

Rainbows were prevalent almost everywhere on Rainbow Planet. Instead of trees growing in forests, in their places were rainbows. Some were only saplings, just sprouting from the ground, while others were over 50 feet tall and thriving. And, instead of waterfalls, rainbows flowed smoothly down similar to water. The creatures of the woods were even born with brightly colored stripes that never faded as they aged.

In the big city, skyscrapers, automobiles and pedestrians were painted a tasteful rainbow hue. Up above, a multicolored airplane flew past. Inside an upscale restaurant, a waiter was dressed elegantly in the latest colorful designer wear. He brought a platter of rainbow pasta and a colorful vegetable platter to the table of a famous actress. Of course, she was dressed in a glittering gown adorned with every color of the rainbow.

In fact, anyone who chose not to wear rainbow-like colors was sent to a place called Neutral City. Here, offenders were only allowed to wear fashion neutrals including navy, gray, black, khaki, brown and white. After all, adhering to the appropriate color spectrum was the law. This was just the way things were on Rainbow Planet. Further, every upstanding citizen was expected to maintain a pleasant, sunny attitude towards all. That is, until one day, this positive attitude was covered over with an ugly shade of blackness…

There was one nasty citizen who some people were familiar with but others had no clue about. He absolutely despised rainbows and spent all of his free time trying to think up ways to destroy them for forever. His real name was Jeff Jenkenson, but the collective public knew him as Ink Man. Jeff had built a lab in the basement of his own house, and this was where he developed his dark plan.

One day in the not too distant future, Ink Man was flying overhead with his dark red cape billowing behind him. He spotted some ordinary citizens and decided to take out his first order of revenge upon them. Lifting up his giant magical ink pen into the air, he threw black ink blots and lines all over these unsuspecting folk. Following this, there were general shouts of terror and dismay. But Ink Man didn’t care about the feelings of these losers. He continued to squirt black ink all over the buildings, trees, birds and everywhere else.

After the disgraceful attack from Ink Man, the people of Rainbow Planet tried to get the ink stains off of their clothing and skin, but to their utter distress, not one bit would come off. For their skin, they tried to vigorously rub it off and also consult with doctors, but their efforts were in vain. They tried to save their clothing by using bleach, laundry detergent, long soaks and days in the sun, but it was hopeless. Once they finally realized they were cursed to live with these unfashionable stains for all eternity, they decided to change the name of Rainbow Planet to Ink Planet. This is why no one’s discovered this planet in our universe before, because it’s too splotched with inky blots to discern in the blackness that is outer space.

Feed Your Plastic to the Bacterium

Plastic litters the planet

Destroying everything in sight,

From oceans to forests

And not to mention wildlife,

According to studies, humans may eat

Up to one credit card’s worth

Of plastic per week;

It consumes all living things.

But the one thing it’s not killing,

Instead consumes it,

In fact, it’s a new bacterium,

And it feeds on polyurethane.

This discovery can inspire hope

For a future without plastic.

One day, we might not have to worry about plastic;

Instead, we’ll just feed our trash to the bacterium.

Sources: New Scientific Discoveries Made in 2020-learningenglish.voanews.com, You could be swallowing a credit card’s weight in plastic every week-cnn.com

Pansy in the Woods

Being wicked wasn’t as bad as the fairy tales suggested, Honoresta thought dangerously. After all, she treated Pansy well enough. She fed her one meal of cold porridge once a day, allowed her to spend time outside once a month and only told her how much she despised her once a week. Everyone knew the little princess was special, and Honoresta had nothing against this, except everything. In fact, the wicked queen spent every waking moment obsessing over how to get rid of her without anyone important finding out. Today, she laid out her detailed map of the Woods of Darkness. Yes, she thought with intense malice, no one would ever expect pretty Pansy to get lost in this labyrinthine place. After all, no self-respecting princess would ever venture into the woods alone. Trees, trees and more trees. Who needed them? And don’t ever forget those disgustingly cute little woodland creatures that infested the area. Yuck. Nothing could be more vile than their sickeningly sweet faces. Honoresta hastily picked up a black magic marker from the small wooden table to her left and got to work. First of all, she’d circle the location of the ambush. Then she traced the trail leading to the Cave of Beastly Things. Later on, she’d give a copy of the map to the woodcutter. He knows what to do…

“La la laaaaa! Today’s the best day ever, as every day is.” Pansy set the hand mirror on top of the old tree stump and ran her dainty fingers through her soft, curly hair. Today, a headband made of the reddest fabric roses held her short, black locks in place. Her dress was something all peasants wore, except more beautiful. The reason for this was that her favorite uncle gave it to her for her birthday. He’d spent a fortune to pay the most skilled seamstress in the land to make the golden yellow wasteline, skirt of the deepest sea blue and romantic persimmon bodice. She’d been discreetly watching Prince Percy for a few days now and felt confident he would fall in love with her. Pansy spun around three times in excitement as three bluebirds flew happily in a halo around her head. She then plopped down into the meadow grass and sighed.

Meanwhile, Honoresta was watching Pansy’s graceful, albeit revolting, dance in her bland crystal ball. She smiled darkly and laughed with absolute detestation. Princesses are a real drag through the woods. Besides being dull, they’re as beautiful as a spring rain. The best thing about them is they lack wit and cunning. Which is something I have in spades, she told herself nastily, ha ha haaaa! No one will miss my pretty Pansy when I’m done with her! She waved her long, gnarled fingers over the nondescript crystal ball and hastily made her way across the room to the door of the top of the castle tower. The cruel woman opened it then took a clumsy step towards the circular stairway, only to trip over her plum colored gown. As she fell, she laughed wickedly, and grabbed the banister railing with the strength of an olympic athlete. “Not this time,” declared the black-hearted queen as she stopped her own fall to impending doom. She stood up and dusted off her long gown. Then she slowly and deliberately walked downstairs with her head held high. But, she tripped over her pointy high heels and fell again. This time, Honoresta the wicked queen continued to fall to her doom all the way to the bottom of the tall staircase. Fortunately, no one heard her furious scream as she toppled head over feet and hit the stairs repeatedly.

There was no funeral fit for a queen since no one could stand Honoresta’s corrupt ways. So they left her where she was for a long, long time until a few years passed. This is when Friedman the castle janitor was on the night shift. He swept up the dead body in the darkness and, with all his might, threw it over a nearby cliff. This time, there were no screams. The only sound was the distant singing of Pansy the princess and her beloved Prince Percy.

Moral of the Story: Don’t hold your head too high in pride, or you might not be able to see where you’re going and fall to your death.

The Prize is Inside

I open the Cracker Jack box

Only for the dinky prize.

My eyes open wide in wonder.

It’s another cheap sticker.

Wow, it’s just what I always wanted,

I genuinely think to myself.

The prize surprises me every time.

It doesn’t have to be perfect,

And I know it won’t be.

But the little things make me the happiest.

It’s not just the prize that excites me;

It’s that I have to use my imagination to enjoy it.

The Glory of Being a Clown

Fascinating clowns of all sizes and shapes

Fill the green- and pink-striped circus tent

Talking and giggling amongst themselves.

Some smiling, others with eternal frowns

Painted on their cartoon-like faces.

Now it’s time for the show.

Each one runs this way and that

In comical confusion and anticipation

As they hop into their tiny cars,

Red, green, purple and yellow,

Vehicles of hilarity and joy.

Now they drive around in circles

And honk their respective horns.

Doors open, they jump out,

Tangled up in knots like fools.

One trips over his own feet

While another squeezes his big red nose.

The finale is the toppling tower,

So they climb on each other’s backs

To create a pyramid of colorful clowns.

The topmost one raises his white-gloved hands

High in the air and waves energetically.

His glorious moment has arrived.

Dragon Games

From the start, I noticed the dragon was as friendly as could ever be asked for. “Hello there!” he said with a display of crooked teeth and a carefree grin. He shook my small hand with his large paw, and I laughed without fear, knowing in my heart of hearts he was genuinely amiable.

The dragon’s name was Pinkley, and I’d met him before. In fact, on several occasions, because Pinkley was particularly forgetful and clumsy. Though, to his credit, he was very kind and lovable. You’d think his pink scales would make him less intimidating, but this was far from true. For instance, his height and fangs were enough to make any human run away and hide in a cave far, far away.

After we greeted each other, Pinkley stared at me with a bewildered look, and I felt immense pity. This always happened when we met, and it happened again this time. He stared for about ten seconds then asked me,”I’m sorry, do I know you?” I told him we’d met on several occasions, and he said awkwardly,”Oh…”. This was exactly why I always avoided bumping into him. When I usually see him, I try to hide behind a boulder or a bush, or tiptoe away before he notices me. His bad memory was a bit frustrating, but I still liked his personality.

Since I tended to enjoy seeing Pinkley around, and he treated me with more respect than most dragons did, I decided to stick around. He took notice of this and asked me if I’d like to play Dragon Checkers. I was genuinely excited to play because last time I’d participated in this game with him, I’d won. But once we began, I could see that Pinkley had been practicing. On his third move, he captured two of my forest green pieces with his fiery red one. When my turn came, I took one of his pieces and unfortunately that was all. Eventually, Pinkley won the game while I resolved to practice for next time. “Ha!” he roared and laughed while fire spewed from his mouth. Being beaten by Pinkley the forgetful dragon wasn’t an experience I’d ever want anyone to find out about.

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